I amputated my leg at the age of 4 because of a complicated condition called Mixed Vascular Malformation. by yoko tanaka

I amputated my leg at the age of 4 because of a complicated condition called Mixed Vascular Malformation. I was in and out of the hospital/surgery until my late 20s.

Since I was very little, I not only suffered from this condition, but also struggled with the difference in my body and the many things that I cannot do.  

This condition cannot be completely cured, and it was obvious that my legs were not growing back, so I have no choice but to deal with this body for the rest of my life.

However, when I saw all the children and family fighting the serious condition, and some not making it, I told myself that my struggles cannot be compared to them. Like so, I had a habit of putting a lid on my emotions.

Growing up with such an environment, it was natural for me to think about life. 

Even though I have had many sad and hard experiences, I believe that through this, I have felt that “nutrition of the mind and body is important” to live and make the most out of life. 

Since I was little, art has been the nutrition for my mind and heart.

When my body and mind suffered, I encountered the artworks of the beautiful seasons and a free world. 

As I laid on my side, the world in the picture books and postcards was shining bright, and it reminded me that this world was not all about hardships and sadness. 

When I focused on drawing, I was able to forget about the things I did not like.
Copying my favorite artworks, I enjoyed the time I spent on drawing my made-up world, and in that moment, I was able to forget about my sufferings and struggles. 

I was also certainly saved by the many warm thoughts of others.

I can certainly receive the power to live through face-to-face interactions, but I also believe that I got it from things filled with people’s thoughts and feelings.  

Like so, I lived with such support, but my emotions were still closed with a lid. 

Until my late 20s, I felt as if I was living at the edge to keep myself together.

I learned graphic design in college/graduate school, and with the help of my professor, I became active in drawing pediatric murals. 

I also created picture books on the topic of “hospitalization / surgery / treatment”, and around that time, I started wondering if there are “expressions that make use of my own experience.”

After graduating, I started working at a big company in order to reassure my parents.
Soon after, however, my condition worsened, and I was repetitively leaving/returning to work as I underwent surgery.  

I worked for 6 years, but felt the limit of my body and mind, and decided to resign. 

During that time, I believe I felt the most hopeless in myself. Yet, because I was at the bottom, there was nothing more I could lose. 

Once in my life, I wanted to be free. Without being caught up in labels and sealing my emotions, I started to truly want to live as my real self. With priority on a comfortable lifestyle and living with a smile, I started working from home as an illustrator/designer.